It was a fine sunny day — or at least that's what the clouds claimed in court — and Ware CC assembled at the picturesque Bentley Heath ground, which was so lovely even the pigeons wore cravats.

Star man Price had prepared with his usual rigorous training regime: pints until 3am and an argument with a lamppost. Jamie’s beard had expanded and was now officially a dependent. Meanwhile, Will Tyrer, international mystery man, was not in China, or Peru, or that weird bit of Luton — he was here! Physically, at least.

Ware batted first. There was optimism, there was hope, and then there was the opposition's bowling, which was about as friendly as a tax inspector with a hangover. The top order ducked and weaved like blindfolded ferrets.

Enter Parker, who decided he quite liked the look of the cricket ball after all and biffed his way to 60 majestic runs — including a SIX. Yes. A SIX. A Parker six. We double-checked. The ball was last seen orbiting a nearby kestrel.

Griffin (48 runs, 7 muttered oaths, 1 polite cough) provided class, and Kev Meakin chipped in with a short but delightful 25, played mainly on tiptoe. And then came Jamie — glorious Jamie — with 9 magical runs, including a crashing on-drive so thunderous it was briefly declared a minor seismic event in Hertfordshire.

Final total: 189. Respectable. Dignified. Slightly under par. But at least it wasn’t 78.

Bentley Heath’s reply?
Worrying.

They reached 73 for 1 faster than a ferret in a sock drawer, and the Ware fielders began to suspect that reality might be broken.

Enter the Spin Twins – Kev “Twist It Like a Wizard” Meakin and Nick “I’ll Bowl It Where I Like” Griffin. Between them, they tied up the batsmen tighter than a Victorian corset.

Kev took 2 wickets, using nothing but cunning, guile, and possibly magnets.
Nick took 3, while explaining the rules of cricket to a squirrel mid-over.
Still, the run chase refused to keel over politely. The opposition batted on with the relentless energy of toddlers after Haribo.

Cometh the hour, cometh the Alex Smith — who snuck in with 2 sneaky wickets, possibly using disguise. Then Adam joined the fray with a single wicket, just enough to push Bentley Heath to the edge of defeat.

Final result: Ware win by 10 runs.
Cue celebration, jubilation, and someone accidentally pouring tea into a helmet.

The crowd gasped. The players collapsed. A cup of tea was had. Possibly with biscuits. Possibly while lying down. One man was so moved he began to weep gently into a scorebook.