It was a scorcher at the idyllic Botany Bay ground – so hot you could fry an egg on the outfield, and then serve it as tea. Ware’s cricketers, tanned, hydrated and slightly confused, gathered on the balcony ready to watch others do the hard work... only to be told by Skipper Nick Griffin, with all the tact of a man announcing a hosepipe ban at a waterpark, "We're fielding, lads."

Cue the mass groan, a few fainting spells, and someone trying to hide behind a deckchair.

Meanwhile, Will Tyrer made a fleeting cameo appearance – mostly to wave and remind everyone he was off to Singapore... or was it Chile? Possibly Croydon. He wasn't sure, and neither were British Airways.

To the action!

Price and Chambers opened the bowling with the kind of precision you’d expect from a Swiss watch – only with less ticking and more appealing. Sadly, wickets were about as hard to find as shade. Botany Bay trotted happily along to 50, at which point Kev Meakin entered the attack like a man who’d lost his car keys and taken it personally.

First, a cunningly looped delivery – described later by scientists as “quantum wobble” – tempted the batsman into lobbing one to Griffin. “Catch that!” shouted Kev. “Do what?” replied Nick. Fortunately, the ball did most of the work.

Kev then snapped up the No. 3 batter, who may have just been trying to get back to the pavilion for an ice cream. His final spell: 8 overs, 2 wickets, 23 runs, and several sarcastic remarks.

Enter the Old Guard. Like fine wine... if that wine bowled off-breaks and asked where its knees had gone.

Griffin’s words to Risby:
“Pitch it outside off.”
Risby: “Got it.”
Pitches leg-side half-volley instead.
Griffin (shouting): “Outside OFF, not outside LONDON!”

Still, wickets tumbled faster than England's middle order, but a spirited 58 not out from Wright saw Botany Bay post a plucky 172. Honourable mention to Unwin for 3–24 and a full set of dry whites.

Tea came and went. It was too hot for sandwiches, so most players opted for ice cubes and regret.

Ware’s reply?
Sticky. Like a toffee on a car dashboard.

Hugh played two audacious shots that were either reverse sweeps or a form of interpretive dance. The second one landed safely in slip’s hands, who nearly dropped it out of sheer surprise.

A mini-collapse followed – the kind that has statisticians reaching for their abacuses and fans heading to the bar.

But then – a revival! Griffin and Chambers formed a partnership so calming, David Attenborough could have narrated it. Liam’s 31 was described as “crucial”, “meaty”, and “suspiciously breathless”.

Kev added some mighty blows – four 4s, two grunts, and one loud “Oof” – before taking a well-earned rest under a tree shaped conveniently like a deckchair.

Finally, the match was sealed with Griffin (51 not out and still looking like he could do another over – of lemonade) and Risby easing Ware home to victory.